


Sober

by vacuumthevoid



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Human, Drug Use, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Mental Instability, Overdosing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 08:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15881904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vacuumthevoid/pseuds/vacuumthevoid
Summary: A fic using the lyrics of Tools Sober.A Warning!!!Loki abuses Drugs and Alcohol in this fic.





	Sober

_ There’s a shadow just behind me _

_ Shrouding every step I take _

_ Making every promise empty _

_ Pointing every finger at me _

Speechless. The flimsy paper, held in strong hands with loose wrists, trembled. This couldn’t be true. . . But it makes so much sense.

“Loki, what are you doing? Did you find the book?” The man's voice boomed behind him. His head pounded as his senses drifted from him. The mans footsteps grew closer but Loki couldn’t move. His eyes were locked with this piece of paper as if if he stared long enough the words would rearrange and he’d be looking at a seemingly meaningless paper about his father's job.

“Son, what's that?” Odin slipped it from his grip and look at it before sighing.

“Son-”

“Don’t.” He stood up and began to walk out. He couldn’t speak, his throat stung with thoughts that he wanted to say, feelings he wanted to express but he couldn’t. They burned as they sat in the back of his mouth.

“Loki, come here. Son, please, let me explain.”

“I’m not your son. Never was.” He walked away towards his room and grabbed his car keys from his desk and began moving toward the front door.

“Loki. Stop. We need to talk about this.”

“We do? I don’t see a point. This just fit so perfectly. No wonder you never cared about me. You provided me the bare minimum. A place to sleep, food, clothing and an education. You were  **NEVER** my father. Not once did I feel like your son. And this is why.” The words burned slipping from his lips, it was sudden, but he knew they had waited there long enough. He left without acknowledging Thor or Frigga, who had come out to see what was happening. He was gone and refused to come back until the police found him and brought him home a day later.

_ Waiting like a stalking butler _

_ Who upon the finger rests _

_ Murder now the path called must we _

_ Just because the son has come _

The house once called home now stay abandoned. Frigga passed in a car accident, and their father suffered a heart attack shortly after. Thor offered to let Loki stay with him in his apartment. Loki moved in but keeps his distance. Thor rarely finds him home, he works in the day then he stays out all night. When Thor does find him home he’s asleep in his bed with a bottle from the previous night spilled on the floor. His rooms a mess, he’s a mess. But he quarantines his mess to his room. Thor wants to help, he sees his younger brother falling down this path of abusing himself with drugs and alcohol but he can’t do anything to stop him. He physically can’t stop him. Loki begins to isolate himself from Thor, nearly avoiding him.

_ Jesus won’t you fucking whistle? _

_ Something but the past is done _

_.. _

_ Why can’t we not be sober? _

_ I just want to start this over _

_ Why can’t we drink forever _

_ I just want to start this over _

“Loki you have to stop this. Please you need to get help, I’ll help you. For God’s sake Loki you’re dying!!” Thor was rambling, he was begging. Loki was lying on his bedroom floor, he was sick. Had nearly drunken himself to death. Thor knelt down beside him and tried to lift him to sit up against the wall.

“Loki, you can’t live like this. It’s time to-”

“Why not?” He asked weakly.

“This is my life, why can’t I live it like this?”

“You’re killing yourself.”

“Then let leave me be and let me die in peace.”

_ I am just a worthless liar _

_ I am just an imbecile _

_ I will only complicate you _

_ Trust in me and fall as well. _

In a flash of sanity, in a sliver of sobriety, Loki saw what he was doing to himself. What his addiction was doing to Thor. He could see the pain Thor had to bear for the sake of trying to protect him. He threw the bottle at the wall in a fit of rage. He began shaking.

“You absolute idiot! Look at what you’re fucking doing! You’re not just ruining your own life you’re ruining your brothers!” He broke down as the thoughts of what he’s done overwhelmed him. Hours later he heard the front door of the apartment open and close. He walked out of his room and looked at Thor, he could barely make eye contact without tears filling his eyes. 

“Loki, whats wrong?”

“I’m sorry.. I’m sorry Thor. I have to quit I-I.. I have to stop please help me.” Thor walked over to Loki and without hesitating pulled him into his arms. Thor was proud of his for this first step. This was all he could ask for mow. Taking that first step towards sobriety. Towards a better life.

“Of course, of course, Loki, I’ll help you.”

_ I will find a center in you _

_ I will chew it up and leave _

_ I will work to elevate you _

_ Just enough to bring you down _

Two weeks clean and Loki really thought he had a chance. He’d dropped the drinks, threw out his drugs. But, his own mind tormented him. He couldn’t listen to his own thoughts anymore they hated him. He succumbed to the warm feeling of alcohol taking away his pain, the way the drugs ease his mind and reassure him. Thor couldn’t find him for 5 days until Loki stumbled home, avoiding eye contact with Thor, attempting to avoid any contact with Thor. he knew he’d let him down, but he no longer had control over it. He was slipping away, he felt it. He felt nothing when he was drunk and felt everything sober. He liked feeling nothing, no hurt of the past, no shame of the present, no fear for the future. 

_ Mother Mary won’t you whisper _

_ Something but the past is done _

_ … _

_ Why can’t we not be sober? _

_ I just want to start this over _

_ Why can’t we sleep forever? _

_ I just want to start this over _

“I can’t do this anymore. You need to go to rehab. I’ll even pay for it, you just need to get help”

“I don’t want to.”

“So you’re just going to let this consume you?” Thor’s concern had shifted to anger. It felt like Loki just wanted to drift away, which was Thor’s biggest fear. Loki was all he had left, and he was losing him.

“It already has. I tried to quit once before, you know how hard that was.” Loki sighed. 

“I don’t want to try again. I  can’t try agia-” Loki stumbled as his vision shifted. If things had been different from the beginning, he wouldn’t be like this. He wouldn't be drowning in booze to supress what he hated so much. He wouldn’t be wasting all his money on drugs, right from paycheck to his dealer. He wouldn’t be avoiding himself. What he wish he could change.

“I just want what best for you...” Thor nearly whispered. 

“..It hurts to watch you like this.” 

“Fine, I’ll- I’ll try again.” 

_...I will find a center in you _

_ I will chew it up and leave _

_ Trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me _

“Loki, I just picked up dinner tonight, had a long day and I thought it’d be nice to just hang out and have some take out.” Thor placed the  bags on the kitchen table. After hearing no response he called out for Loki again. He had a gut feeling that something was just.. wrong. He hesitantly made his way to Loki’s room, only to find it empty. He glanced around the room and his gaze fell on the baggy his desk and Thor’s heart dropped. The house suddenly became deafeningly silent. He began to panic, checking everywhere until he stood in front of the bathroom door. He grabbed the handle and swung the door open, just to find Loki on the floor. He was lying limp next to the bathtub. Thor fell to his knees before crawling over to his brother. 

“Loki, Loki please.” He picked up Loki and cradled him in his arms, his hand frantically checked his neck and his wrist to try to feel a pulse. He didn’t know if there was none there or if he was just too panicked to find one. He quickly pulled out his phone and called 911. Still holding Loki with one arm. 

_ Why can’t we not be sober? _

_ I just want to start things over _

_ Why can’t we sleep forever? _

_ I just want to start this over. _

“Please. Please you can’t leave me.” Thor pulled Loki close, he was limp in his arms but he prayed that he was still here, prayed that he could still hear. 

“You’re all I have left, Loki please.” Tears streamed down Thor’s cheeks as he sobbed. He needed Loki, He wasn’t whole without him. 

“I should’ve helped you more, I should have been there for you more than I was, please I’ll do better please just.. Stay.” Loki’s head fell back, hair falling from his face, Thor looked down at his little brother. 

“Help is coming, please, stay with me”

_ I want, what I want _

_ I want, what I want _

_ I want, what I want _

_ I want, what I want _

  
  



End file.
